Dear Helcat:

You are welcome and thank you for your appreciation!

“Yes, I agree that reducing stress is a priority… Things have been too stressful for me to want to talk about things recently. I also don’t like for conversations to get stressful around the baby…  things have been difficult for a while being pregnant and having a baby. So he is just as fed up as me at this point… The arguments have been a lot recently… Blaming each other is a common pattern for us. We also have difficulty listening to each other during arguments. It is like having two entirely separate conversations at the same time. For me, I would say that if my husband raised his voice. I would start to shut down emotionally and get defensive. In that state, I have difficulties with expressing positive regard.“-

– I suggest a marital compartmentalizing:  2 Helcats (bear with me, as this may sound strange) and 2 husbands. One Helcat and one Husband have a daily IBM (Informational Business Meeting), or two, where finances and logistics (relating to parenting and otherwise) are discussed in a professional, businesslike fashion: no raised voices, no expressed anger and no affection. Nothing personal, Strictly business.

The other Helcat and other Husband are girlfriend and boyfriend. They are not present during the IBMs, and they never discuss business.

The first H & H (Helcat and Husband) can wear a certain official shirt or the like, something that reminds the two of you which H&H are present at the moment, and conduct the IBM in a certain location in the home, a location reserved to these meetings.

I am sure that the above is not an idea that’s totally new to you, but maybe a bit of it is new and maybe.. that bit can make a positive difference. At the least, wearing a funnily official shirt for the meetings may provide a much needed stress relief.

anita