Hi CutieJ

I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties in the relationship and about the impending breakup.

It sounds like to me, that the breakup has been coming for a while. Once you both went long distance, it was only a matter of time. She has a history of ending relationships when distance is involved.

It sounds like she has been trying to handle this breakup “better” than the last one. It sounds like she has a lot of guilt around the previous breakup and doesn’t want her ex to hurt herself. She is trying to avoid making the same mistakes again. Instead she is making different mistakes.

You have made some mistakes too. It is expected. It is your first relationship.

I think that as soon as the relationship was planned to go long distance, it was essentially over for her. The rest of this has been a breakup this whole time. She doesn’t know how to break up in a healthy way yet.

I’m sorry that her difficulties with break ups caused such difficulties in your relationship. And I’m sorry that this current break up has been a messy and drawn out process. A healthy break up would be a simple conversation when planning to move.

I’m sorry that she is blaming you for her difficulties with breaking up. Clearly it is not your fault. She had difficulties with breaking up before she even met you. Difficulties so bad, they damaged your relationship.

I’m sorry to hear that you have difficulties with self hatred and self esteem. Therapy is a good place to work on those difficulties. If that is available. Do you want to talk about what caused those difficulties?

Please be kind to yourself through this grieving process. It will not last forever. It will hurt for a while, but then it will get easier and eventually pass in time.

It is up to you if you want to go to the meeting with her in person. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. This break up has been a mess. You don’t have to keep going with her ideas of what a break up is when she doesn’t even know herself. Honour your own needs. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Just have a phone call. If you do want to go. Go, but on your terms. Decide what you want to do because she doesn’t know how to handle this in a healthy way. There is no rush, take all the time you need to decide.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏