Hi Anita

I’m sorry to hear that your mother was so abusive and unreasonable. You didn’t deserve to be treat like that. You deserved to be treat with love and care.

I feel like my mother was more direct with her concerns. But she kind of used them as excuses. She would beat my brother and I for being loud, or if we squabbled, for being messy. These kinds of things that children do. There were a lot of rules that she had for us. We were not even allowed to eat without her permission. We were not allowed to use the TV without permission. With all of these rules it was easy for her to find an infraction and make up a “reason” to beat us.

I responded to this with perfectionism. Growing up I would review the mistakes made each day and try to get everything right the next day. I had magical thinking because I was a child. I hoped that if I got everything right, she wouldn’t beat us. A foolish belief, but expected from a child.

I feel like you experienced, my husband’s family didn’t make sense with their complaints. He would do things that weren’t wrong and be beaten for them. They had their reasons, but they were not reasons a child would understand. My husband’s home country is very dangerous. They wanted to toughen him up and protect him and had a level of control over him. He grew up being told that everyone will try to hurt him and he cannot trust anyone. As well as the difficulties with neurodivergence, I also believe that he has difficulties setting boundaries with people, especially people that he cares about.

Love and best wishes, always! ❤️🙏