I just realized following the above post, that I never stopped trying to reach my mother, to make her change her mind about me. To make her think well of me. Only I’ve been doing it by proxy of others who resemble her in disliking me, disapproving of me, thinking badly of me, or just misunderstanding me.

It’s amazing. I didn’t know.

Giving strangers (people who don’t really care about me) so much power!

It’s the little girl in me still wanting, still needing a mother, a grownup to love me. A little girl who is older by far than the “mothers” I am chasing for approval, for recognition, Ha!

anita