Dear Peter:

“I am still very much a 10 year of boy afraid of life and who created a strategy of observing, identifying all the threats, neutralize them (usually though avoidance) and then maybe engaging with life. As a work strategy it has been very helpful as I’ve made a living off of it but as a life strategy not so much.”-

The words Protection Over Experience come to mind. Or Control Over Engagement, or Safety Over Participation, being analytical, cautious, or risk-aware and avoidance has kept you on the sidelines rather than fully immersed in life.

“In the theory behind the Enneagram… Picture a bridge built over the ‘trauma’.”- The Enneagram suggests that people are not born with a specific personality type but develop one based on life experiences. However, once a type forms, it cannot be changed—only understood, managed, and evolved within its framework.

You initially resisted the idea that personality is unchangeable. Your thought was: If I wasn’t born this way, I must have chosen it—so shouldn’t I be able to undo it and choose differently?

But after trying to change your core personality strategy—and failing painfully—you no longer believe change is possible in that way.

You compare your personality strategy to WORM (Write Once Read Memory)—a computer memory type where once something is written, it cannot be changed. This suggests that your way of thinking and approaching life became ingrained, like a fixed part of your internal programming, making it impossible to simply “rewrite.”

Given your realization that your personality strategy cannot be undone, your focus shifts to building a bridge over the river.

I’ve been stuck in patterns of self-doubt, emotional isolation, and invalidation, which have kept me immersed in the river, too attached to external validation. Building a bridge over the river means shifting toward internal validation—trusting myself, my emotions, and my experiences, even when others dismiss them. It also means embracing connection over isolation.

What does your bridge look like, Peter?

“The mistake made when engaging with these practices is thinking you are changing a personality trait or past trauma as if it didn’t happen or were not so…It’s about reducing the intensity of attachments and recognizing that relationships, for example, are not static but fluid and ever-changing.”-

I just remembered that long ago, when I was a young adult, I believed that healing erased past trauma as if it never existed, and that as a result, I would be a totally different person. Every time I thought I was free from trauma—during moments of hope and lightness—it would return, leaving me deeply disappointed.

Detachment, in the Buddhist sense isn’t indifference; it’s about mindful engagement without clinging. Healing isn’t about undoing the past (or undoing oneself) but about changing how we relate to it.

This conversation is very meaningful to me, Peter. Thank you!

anita