Thanks Matt @amatt. Just beautiful 🙂

HI Paul

Everything Matt has written is spot on.

However, from the last post of yours, it seems that you are still feeling quite guilty and looking for her forgiveness. Paul, you did what you did at that time as it felt right to you then. However, with passage of time, you realised that you have lost a good mate and are upset with yourself for doing such an action. Hey, why cry over a split milk ? Can you do something to change things around ? I think you can.

1. Pls forgive yourself. You were the one who did this. She may have instigated it in the first place but it was your action eventually. Once you are able to truly let go of your guilt, you will feel so much better. If you don’t, the guilt will help create bad hormones in your body and lead to all sorts of physical, emotional and mental problems at some point of time – do you really want that, mate ?

2. Pls learn to accept yourself as you are. You have needs and desires and one of them made you astray. Whats the big deal ? Atleast you realised your mistake. Some people don’t ever do that and keep creating negative Karmic (action) cycle and then ask, Why me, why that etc.

3. Be kind to yourself, Paul. Show respect for your inner being who was longing for some different type of companionship at that time. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to openly communicate with your wife and let her know how you felt and what you did. I am sure if you did it with the right intention, she will understand (Pls don’t make her feel that she was the cause of this action as she wasn’t despite your differences on finances). This will be a stepping stone for a stronger relationship between you and your wife and hopefully, will keep you away from such actions in the future. We do certain actions when our needs are not met. If we can meet them in our existing relationships with communication, love and acceptance, we wont have to look outside.

4. Don’t expect forgiveness from others. You did an action of asking for forgiveness, which is great. Leave it at that. Other peoples reactions and actions are not under our control. They will forgive, love and accept when they wish to. Some may choose not to but they are only harming themselves with that negativity and not others. Can you read this sentence again, pls.

Why don’t you try out the Metta Meditation that Matt usually suggests to other members by Sharon Salzberg. I think it will bring a lot to peace to your grieving heart. Another way to forgive yourself is to make a meal or buy some groceries and donate it to the needy in your area such as women’s refuge, homeless shelter etc. When you make a food donation, it creates a lot of positivity and will help to bring light in your heart and I can vouch for that.

Loads of positive energy coming your way. I know you will be fine soon enough and life will unfold beautifully from now on.

Jasmine