Matt,

Stepping into your shoes for a moment is easy for me, We have lived similar lives. All I can surmise right now, is that like me, you may carry an accursed karma from a past life (the saying: “karma to burn” applies). While you are truly a peaceful soul, you attract difficult situations into your life. I know what this is like. The friends you have who may be treating you like a doormat, while seemingly superficial, will still be important. If you can open up to them, it may be more beneficial in the long run than a shrink (never liked them either). When you feel as though you need to put your foot down, just remember that its a test, and raising your kamma is easier by being accepting of others rather than trying to assert yourself in a destructive way.

My two suggestions for you, one, do some volunteer or charity work, become a big brother, do selfless acts with no expectation of reward (legal ones ;)) it will not change anything overnight, weekly, or even in a month, but once you establish a pattern of living selflessly, you become more in tune with your higher self. secondly, to deal with the nightmares & hallucinations, look up how to perform “yoni mudra” and do this while lying down in bed for about 5-10 minutes each night. You will likely still dream and have visions, but it is all part of a process of spiritual cleansing and growth. Aside from that, there is a certain 3 letter substance which inhibits dreaming…..but I would recommend trying the mudra first.

good luck, you are loved.