Hi Paul

Thanks for your post. I admire people who can face their fears and get help early to bring more peace and happiness in life. You are obviously an insightful soul and I think you are awesome as well 🙂

I am an optimist so I will share my personal perspective here and see if it resonates with you enough to save this marriage and learn the lessons that each situation puts in front of us.

What do you want ? Do you want out or do you want to revive the relationship ? Depending on what you want, it will work out either way. To spend 12 years with someone and have kids with them is extremely beautiful and soul enriching. Yes, there are going to be times when things get tough during a relationship but it is during these times, we learn the most and become even more fulfilling and loving beings. Unless, your wife was beating you up or abusing you in other ways, I wouldn’t just let go of her that easy.

She is going through an emotional roller coaster in her life for some very good reasons ( I am sure about this one) but she is also making some positive changes in her life as well, which is commendable. I know it is sometimes hard to understand why people suddenly become distant when they go through changes, but, it happens and it happens often. This is the time when you can use the situation to your advantage. You can become the bigger person that you are. You can accept her as she is and be there for her when she needs you. Physical intimacy is not all that is required for a strong or lasting relationship. You can develop a much stronger relationship by having an emotional intimacy, which is based on trust, respect, love and space for each other. It is based on the principle that we will help each other become a better person each day we are together. Are you helping her in that way ? If you are, great. If not, pls do consider some ways that can bring out the best in both of you. It is very easy to break off and start off with another person but the problems do not suddenly disappear until we learn the life lessons.

If you do not want divorce, then do not pre-empt it. We are so used to jumping the gun that often we forget that what we think about the most with emotions, we become that. Everything becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

You have a choice here – either evolve in a positive way and be there for your wife or plan for the worst. I know I have not answered the question that you have posted here but I hope you can appreciate my reasons for doing such a thing.

Loads of positive energy coming your way,

Jasmine