Hi Skye,

You will not be stuck forever if you keep trying. Your inner gremlins are trying to get you to believe that, but it isn’t true. All transformation takes time. Tadpoles don’t become frogs and caterpillars don’t become butterflies in a day. As for your daughter, kids love watching transformations! How valuable will it be, for her to see that someone can struggle with challenges and still overcome them? How fascinating will it be for her to notice that mom is becoming calmer, more content, she laughs more easily day by day. You are not a bad mom for needing perfectly appropriate time for a transformation. It might be scary to be so vulnerable in front of her, but it is a huge opportunity for her to watch you go through your transformation while she is young, so that she knows she can do the same someday.

Metta Meditation and Mindfulness Meditation both helped me with that transformation too. These types help specifically to deal with strong emotions, intense beliefs about self-worth, and changing from obsessing on pain to accepting one’s current place in life and working towards a new one. Therapy is a great choice too- a combination of therapy and meditation helped me finally reach a place of peace when I felt trapped in chaos.

Mindfulness Meditation is all about awareness, nonjudgment, acceptance, and action. You become aware of the thought/emotion/issue that is upsetting you. Then you regard that thing without judging it. Anger? Neither good nor bad. It simply is an emotion. I hurt other people when I’m angry? Okay. This is how it is right now. I accept that I feel these things and don’t judge myself as good or bad because of them. I just recognize that they are present in my life, which makes me pretty human. Okay. Now that I am aware of the anger and have no judgment swaying my decisions, what are my options? Right now, in this moment, how would I like to deal with this anger?

Metta Meditation is about the reciprocal link between self and universal love. Traditional Metta starts by turning inward and focusing on love, acceptance and compassion for oneself. Once you feel a sense of calm and fulfillment, then you steadily extend that love outward to your own loved ones, your aquaintances, your community, the world, and those who you hate or judge. Some people with low self-worth find it easier to start backward and see how close they can bring love to themselves before struggling or hitting a wall. Understanding why the wall is there can help you gently deconstruct it and bring the love inside where it also belongs.

-Jessa