I’m not sure how to respond to this. If I were to respond directly to your topic with my opinion, I’m afraid that I might inadvertently poke a sore spot. Has someone hurt you by making comparisons between yourself and another person, making you think that you wouldn’t be attractive enough? That someone can also be yourself.

Attraction, and even lust, is about much more than just physical appearance. Also, what is visually appealing to one person can be appalling to someone else. On top of that there is also chemistry, and on top of that, other emotions that you feel towards the person you find attractive. It’s a combination of our own history and our mutual history with the other person and our own ability to feel a variety of emotions.

I do not know whether social media keeps us emotionally immature, or simply makes us more aware of how immature we really are. Our society keeps changing, but our basic needs stay the same. Easy access to porn is not a replacement for intimacy, and I think that even those who are addicted to porn would know that. I think that we all desire to have an intimate connection with another human. Creating that connection is easier for some people and harder for others. Our brains develop all the time, and depending on what kind of relationships you had as a child, you may find it easy to have deep emotional connections with other people, or you might find it exceptionally hard. Not everyone is willing to work hard on healing and developing what was left underdeveloped. But I digress…

Healthy relationships require healthy people. What is healthy and normal for each individual, varies. I personally am sexually attracted to men who exude a certain masculinity. I also know that the masculinity comes with interest and appreciation towards females. If a man isn’t interested nor attracted to women, then it causes my own attraction to drop. So if I want to be in a relationship with a man I am sexually attracted to, I need to accept the fact that he is appreciative of femininity in general. If I were to expect him to be only appreciative of my curves and nobody else’s, then I would be neutering him and thus making him unappealing to me. But…that is just me, and that is just one part of the whole equation. To be appreciative, to be attracted to, to have sex with and to be in love with are all different things. What constitutes betrayal within a specific relationship depends on that relationship, but it should be communicated. If you think that the other person should not even look at others, and your partner thinks that it’s perfectly natural, then it will lead to a disaster. However, what your personal inclination is is also firmly tied with how honest you are with yourself and how confident you are about who you are. Even the most sexually open-minded person can feel threatened if they feel insecure within a relationship.

So, emotional maturity (your own and your partner’s), authenticity, confidence and trust in oneself and the other are all requirements for a truly healthy relationship, regardless of what is happening in the society.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by The Ruminant.