First of all Nami, I am sorry for your pain. As a man who was married to a woman with the same issues, I finally came to the realization that being in the toxic relationship was killing me physically and emotionally. I found that the longer I stayed in the relationship, the less I loved myself. Finally, as much as I wanted to “help” my wife change, I can only be responsible for my own life changes. While I still loved my wife, I loved me more and ended the marriage.
Working on “you” as you have started doing is the best approach as you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. Join any groups that can help you with this, e.g. Codependency, AAA, etc. Once you learn to love yourself, you will find the love you deserve. It’s not easy to change your ways for a healthy life, but you are worth it!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 