Hi M,

When ever you have a thought about him please take it and say Oh there is a thought about him – I’ll put that in a blue recycling box to be put out to the curb once a week. It’s ok to have the thought, you just don’t own it anymore.

Now could you tell us one activity that you have been thinking of doing in the community? Something where you’ll engage with people. Not like the grocery store, something like a class that you might take, or a place you want to help by volunteering. Can you contact them tomorrow and say you are thinking of joining up to try it? Go ahead and try it. If you don’t like it, that is ok, let them know it is not working for you, thank them and wish them well. If you find it works for you, stick with it for a month, give it a month. Then see what you think. While you are there ask questions and learn about other folks. Share something with them that you are proud of. You are a good writer – you can talk about how writing makes you feel good. If you are a great cook, then by all means ask what people had for dinner. Talk recipes and what you like to make. Ask what people are planning for summer vacation. Get some ideas and plan a small one for yourself, even if it’s kinda local or regional like a staycation. In the course of these conversations, when you think of him, think Ok there I am thinking of him and put that thought in the blue box. Resist the temptation to talk with people about that old bad experience, rather use the time to learn about them and their lives. Save talking about him for your counselor. As you talk with others you will bit by bit start to find small common bonds with them. Then as time goes by you will become more and more comfortable putting old thoughts away and focusing on these new, more fun thoughts and actions. After a time you will find yourself feeling more confident about talking with people and sharing positive things about you. You will be enjoying the experience of being you. Yes you will stumble sometimes. That is ok, so the bowling ball goes in the gutter sometimes. Don’t apologize a lot everyone throws gutter balls. Here it comes again for another shot.

You will find your own story, your unique voice, what you enjoy and what brings you out again to see people. Like anyone else, you will have doubts and even fears, try new activities and discussions. It takes time. Enjoy this time. It’s your time.

Big blue