Moongal, I am running a little behind in reading your post. But as I was reading it I had a tiny smile on my face, knowing that as humans even though we are so unique in our own kind we have so much in common. Especially our everyday struggles. You mentioned comparing yourself to others and feeling uncertain at times. I am in the same boat. I was also looking into post graduate school but this overlying feeling of uncertainty and lack of stability in my life and career often fills me with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. But overtime, I did realize that comparing myself to others and having too many ” I should be ” statements and self talk really did create a lot of unhappiness and restlessness.
Off course as human beings we look for stability in our lives. But uncertainty has it’s own beauty in itself and more often you will find what is uncertain now will unfold for the better in due time and you will have a clear perspective
( see you did get your first acceptance letter, I am sure there are lots more to come). For the longest time, I almost had a need to know things with greater certainty, momentary doubts created nothing but fear. But I have realized that everyone makes their own discoveries in their own time. Not allowing yourself this time and to always run with the crowd is not only exhausting but counter productive.
Funny that Matt mentioned OSho, I was recently reading one of his books and your post resonated with it. The moment we are living in tomorrow we are living a half hearted today. Plus our tomorrow which seems so uncertain is born out of today. So if you let the impatience just pass by as it enters your mind and body, it will slowly pass by without causing too much disturbance . All you have to do is just wait and watch it like an observer . Accept it’s presence and send it on its way, allowing it to take it’s own course. Do check our Brene Browm’ s “Whole Hearted Living” She goes over very similar concepts in much detail and precision . You sound like a bright and compassionate soul and I am positive that everything will work out and in time you will have a clear vision. If it is taking long, ItS OKAY 🙂 you are going to be just fine and make it out much stronger.
– Zita
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 