Ayame, I definitely go between trying to find answers then just giving up and accepting my situation and it can seem like a never ending cycle of contradicting beliefs intertwined with anxiety. It really does help to know that there are people who get it enough to offer hope of a way through it. I know there’s no end to the “why’s” despite how quickly I forget that and still continue to ask anyway but I really do appreciate being reminded that you may never know why and it takes far less energy to accept it than it takes to fight it to no end.

Bill, thank you for sharing your journey. I feel like my adult ego shoulders the burden of processing the information about my situation/illness too but that deep down it’s actually my inner child that aches. The analogy you gave gives me a better perspective about how to approach the information and hurt now. I know I can’t change what’s happened already but I do agree that compassion is the key and not just compassion for my perfectionist self but for those I felt wronged by in my childhood.

I’m currently studying part time and one of my papers is on Occupational Stress & Resilience. It’s been so timely in terms of learning about stress techniques and we often talk about meditation and the different types that there are. Meditation is not something I would have considered doing before, it used to make me quite uncomfortable to think about but to hear how it’s worked for others I’m more open minded about it.

Thank you xo