Claire,

I’m sorry for your struggles, and agree with a lot of the intent from moon and inky. Your words sound like you’re playing a victim role… such as “so much need to text” and “oh, he’s too stressed to approach right now” and so forth. You know what you want, a healthy relationship. No one will give that to you, its something you have to shape for yourself. Wait on him to poop or get off the pot? Are you crazy?

Consider that he sounds like he has some self esteem issues. He has a fiancé and a girlfriend, and is all wishy washy about it and what he wants. He feels obligated to multiple women, feels feelings for multiple women, all mushed up and squished inside him. Is he worth that mess? The money isn’t going to solve his issues, that’s only a pressure that’s bringing out his patterns, getting them nice and contrasted. He could grow from what’s he learned, but its like a portal that will only work if he takes the step. Otherwise, the money will leak away in his ambiguity and nebulous esteem BS, and the same stresses will come back in different ways.

Clearly, the fiancé thing really disturbs you, but why do you let it? Its in your hands, dear sister, you can tell him to get that ring back from her. Or, you can suck it up and grieve the relationship that could have been, and move on. You’re a go getter, a champion, but have forgotten how precious a jewel you and your tender heart really are. Otherwise you would have moved your hand away from his long ago until he moved his hand away from her. Or, if you’re into the polyamory thing, then you’d be looking for a way of letting go of the selfishness around wanting all his affection.

Short of that, your fear stops you from saying what you need to say. Ya know? It reminds me of the Bob Dylan lyrics “takes a woman like you, to get through to the man in me”. Be gentle, but don’t be a pushover… your heart deserves better care than that.

With warmth,
Matt