Meagan,

That makes more sense, and thanks for painting him so thoroughly. I can understand why you stay, he sounds like a super guy. Villain or hero is the question, right? He stands for something, but what is that exactly? What motivates his mirroring?

From the way you feel/describe him, he sounds cruel. Sharp like a knife and sees somewhat, but aims terribly. Slices instead of consoles, judges instead of teaches, slaps instead of touches. No wonder he’s agitated a lot, he grows himself a thorny path. It isn’t enough just to see and shoot from the hip. That just builds ruts, patterns. Seed to fruit, etc. Thorny out,thorny in.

I encounter some people who do the same, consider themselves roosters crowing dharma, “truth”. But really, they’re acting like cocks, critics. Usually, all they need is to get over their high opinion (hiding the low opinion) they have of themselves, and find themselves a teacher. It helps them temper their sight with a humble acceptance that they don’t know everything, and are far from perfect themselves.

For you, consider you can’t make a seed grow. If he doesn’t want to grow up, he could be like that a long time. Its not enough to be able to “endure it because I can see his side”, rather, how does it feel to be with him? Do you enjoy your dance with him? Does he help you see how beautiful you are? Does he help you find comfort, space, peace? If his pokes strike you, consider saying “ouch I don’t like that, it hurts my feelings” and leave it there, let it go. If he comes back with “but its for your own… ” Nope. Not yours. Turn away. Over time, hopefully his heart will learn to be kind.

On your side, consider that love needn’t be an endurance trial, and if you feel courageous enough to mirror his mental-babble with empathy; his “but its true, I’m doing them a favor”, “but how did they feel, why that favor, right then? Are you certain that you know what lesson is actually helpful for them right then? Or was that you being jabby/cranky again that nobody is perfect?”. Or whatever. Emotional feedback. At the very least, you’ll overcome your own challenge of loving a thorny man. There’s the old BF, acting the thorny doof again. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt