Sorry, I got a bit of a headache now, so focusing is a bit difficult. I agree with Inky on, well, pretty much everything she said 🙂 Also, people have different views on what constitutes being with someone or what does “being alone” mean. Obviously, I can’t speak for your husband and I have no idea what sort of person he is. I just want to give an alternative perspective, that perhaps the problem that causes all the hurt is not an actual problem. It is easy for me to say, because I have no emotional ties to this person and can look at it from a neutral perspective. I do think that honesty and authenticity is important. I’m not so sure about 100% transparency. Do we really need to know everything about the other person’s past or what they are thinking? I can see the only reason for that to have some sort of false security about the relationship. I say false, because perfect and permanent security is impossible to achieve in life, and it’s more about a feeling than circumstances anyway. In the same time, we can open a can of worms by insisting on knowing everything. I once had the most brilliant idea of asking a then boyfriend who he considered to be attractive from a list of women. I did not realize I would react to it like the then insecure woman that I was. I was furious and the poor man was trying to explain his choice. A choice I asked him to make! Sometimes it’s best to not know everything. Especially if you are seeking reassurance.