Hi Lindsey,
Thank you for reaching out. Please get back in therapy with someone you know and trust who can help you. It takes a long time to pull everything together and ups/downs are normal. I have been where you are, recently, and it was a combo of meds, friends and therapy that saved my life. Sounds like your meds are not working…can you return to the doc who prescribed them and either get “bridge” meds til the other kicks in or try a different med. This is very serious stuff, so please don’t wait. You need to get love, compassion and love from outside yourself (in a healthy way) until you have learned to provide it for yourself. Feel that heart beat in your chest? That’s the gift of life. You are worthy and there is a happy path for you, we just need to find it. Please let me know you will be ok.