hmvg,

I am sorry for your suffering. However, please know that peace and happiness are and will always attainable.

While these experiences are difficult to handle, they exist in order to help develop our beings when we recognize the important lessons they have to offer us. I understand that it isn’t fair to be taught this way, however, the more and most difficult paths often are the ones that teach us the biggest, and sometimes, best lessons. And, in your case, don’t you believe it? Fifteen long and strenuous years have taught you much about what doesn’t make you happy and the on and off again relationship with your ex has taught you that happiness must derive from within.

You now possess the chance to create a life to make you happy. Isn’t this wonderful? Isn’t this beautiful? And, of course it is going to be difficult. Is the path to peace and happiness supposed to be easy? Why, I only wish! However, I’ve come to enjoy the difficulties in my pursuit of these things. In the more challenging ones, I do my best to simply learn if I cannot smile. Once I calm my mind, I can then weigh upon what I believe is of worth in life and if these troubles possess the capacity of permanently halting my beliefs, my loves and my meaning of existence. If they do not, if I find that I can yet go forward, then they are of little consequence and I simply maintain my journey.

I understand that this may not be as simple as it seems. However, similarly to when we first learned how to drive, it takes practice. And baby steps. There is no rush to find happiness. The journey is just as, and maybe more, important than the destination. What matters is not rushing to our goals but whether or not we’re satisfied in the end. Our lives are important and so we should be gentle with ourselves. And forgiving. We do not know all the answers and never will. The mistakes will continue to happen. It’s inevitable. This doesn’t mean, however, that we should yearn. One or a few drops of poison in the ocean will not entirely contaminate it. Our beings are the same. We should not allow a few difficult experiences ruin the rest of our lives because beauty will continue to exist and if we allow these few scabs to dominate our minds we will miss the view. Therefore, as my brother Matt often says, be gentle with yourself. Be loving and caring and compassionate and nurturing and slowly an even more beautiful being may emerge.

I hope this helps and please excuse any grammatical errors I may have most likely made. Namaste to you.

Al