Dear @hmvg,

I commend you for being able to be so open, vulnerable, and honest in your writing. I too am going through a recent break-up (5 weeks ago), and I too wanted to write a letter to let this guy know how hurt I am (was), and I wanted him to understand the implications of his abrupt departure. [Side note: I also posted a thread about potentially writing the letter, but I felt so embarrassed that I took it down because I realized I had the answers in me all along, and I chose to make zero contact.]
Much like yours, it was like having a rug pulled beneath me. Though, in being honest with myself, I would be lying if I said I didn’t see this coming. It was coming alright. I knew we had grown apart and I knew that he used me as a source of happiness and escape from his dark and miserable condition. and in turn, I used him as a source of validation and the kind of person I am, I like to feel like I am wanted, appreciated, (though, who doesn’t like to be appreciated.) Nevertheless, I was too accommodating to him and to his commitment-phobia… still I mistreated myself and my heart in the process. I put his needs above my own. I know that now, and I am better because of that. Though I am learning and I am working on my wellness and my sanity throughout this process. After nights of crying and wallowing, I can say with much self-respect and pride that I have not cried or felt so low in the last 8 days, (it’s definitely progress for me) though, If I do end up having a crying bout or a feeling of sorrow, I will just feel it out and let is pass. After all, we are human beings, and we are sensitive. My point of sharing my own experience is to let you know that you are not alone, and although you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am here to tell you that there is no light at the end of the tunnel YOU ARE THAT LIGHT…. It is within YOU! Don’t put yourself in a tunnel, be your own source of happiness and your own light. I know that the repeated advice is for one to work on themselves during a breakup/heartache/heartbreak, but it is true. If it’s one thing I have learned from good men out there is that they want a partner who is self-aware, self-assured, and confident. Yes, it is wonderful to be vulnerable with your partner when you reach that level, but that vulnerability ought not be confused with emotional dependency. It is a fine line and I think a lot of people confuse the two.

If you are going to send him this letter, consider the following:

Can you move on without having to send him this letter?

You say you don’t want a reaction/response, but your letter is very emotion-filled, how could you not warrant a response?

Do you want hime to sympathize with your pain? Think of how he left you so abruptly. Does he deserve to even have contact with you?

Lastly, be gentle with yourself. You keep blaming yourself for the ended relationship, and you are not leaving room for him to own up to his role in this. Relationships are HARD and they require work on both ends. This was not your “fault”.
You seem like a wonderful person who just needs to love herself a bit more, and I am certain that you are worthy of the love that you desire, you are worth it. The self-love and sense of awareness is not so that you replace the love you deserve from a partner, but rather, for you to understand and truly believe that you deserve better, and to remove yourself from situations that do not agree with what you deserve.

I wish you much love and healing on your journey. I am on it too, and I am doing so much better, better than I could have imagined, and it is because of what I just told you.

I am going to share one of the best thoughts that have helped me:

“I wish i could show you that when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being” – Hafiz