Sojourner,

I’m sorry for the confusion, and can understand why its difficult to reopen sometimes after we’ve been hurt in love. Consider that relationships can go from a partnership, a playful exploration, into a puzzle, then burden, then who knows what. These leave scratches on our heart that take time to heal. The signs are there, consider that when you see these handsome suitors, they have a sharp meaning, “do I want a relationship? What if? What next? Yeesh, nah.” All normal, and perhaps just means there is still some pain left. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that dancing with a partner can be fun… if its full of kindness on both sides, tender attention, communication and so forth. When that goes missing for a long time, we can forget our playfulness… a partner seems heavy, a load. As we grieve the loss, it really helps if we make sure we reconnect to our own inner playmate. Do things we enjoy doing, go exploring, self nurture, let go, let it all settle… we turn our tender attentions on ourselves, and heal the loss. Which is really just making some space to let our bodies process what we went through. Over time and tears and laughter we find our heartsong singing again, and singing a duet feels fun, refreshing, alluring. Even then, there’s no rush, no need to “dive all in”.

Instead, when or if you’re ready, nibble a little from the buffet rather than trying to order a 3 course meal. Its not like you have to marry any of them or commit to anything (to them or inside), and instead can just go and play. If you have fun, maybe do it again sometime. No pressure… just an explorer, looking around, seeing what and who she likes.

Said differently, it sounds like your inner girl is scared (which can happen at any age) and soon your mind gets all buzzy from what ifs and old memories. No wonder you’re not in the mood to play! If you are in the mood, but are just scared… you can just go slow, nibble, a toe in a still pond. 🙂

Namaste, dear sister, may your smile grow ever more heartfelt.

With warmth,
Matt