Hi, I’m not sure what to say but I think it’s admirable that you are reaching out here. Sounds like you are kinda hard on yourself, with the guilt and expectations that you should be one way but are the other. Is there a correlation between dysthemia and these feelings? Does any medication you might be on have this kind of side effect real or imagined? I am depressed too (working on coming out of it, but as you know, it takes time) and I have read that anti social feelings and feelings of the meaningless of life are common.

I hope you treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Some people only have 1 or 2 deep relationships in the course of their life. In this culture of social media where people count their friends in the 100’s on Facebook, many relationships are inherently going to be light acquaintances, but it can make a person who has an introvertive nature maybe feel like something is wrong with them. Does that make sense?

I’m quite sure you are good enough just the way you are. I wish you peace.