Trevor,

In addition to all the other kindly aimed advice, consider that there’s nothing really wrong with you. Your mom was pretty critical (and not just of women, right?) and so you’re left with some trust issues. They’ll erode with time, as you see they don’t fit. Said differently, mom said “bad, bad women”, and it will take some time for you to shuck that nonsense so you can just relax and explore. Just remember she was trying to keep you safe in her own way, and the twisty perceptions will unravel.

As far as women go, there’s no need to be afraid of them, win them, or impress them. Just go and share a dance or a coffee, and let the whole “attraction” thing happen or not. When and if, you’ll be fine. Right now, its more like you’re alone in a cavern, jumping at shadows on the wall. Afraid of relationships you don’t have, might have, what if, what then, etc, etc. That’s usually just part of the grief from the loss of the previous relationship, and you don’t need to do anything with it. Sigh and release.

From a different direction, consider that some experiences trigger an experience like an emotional smoke bomb inside us. Some old goo (critical mom) gets jumbled up and buried inside us, and along comes a trigger (failed romance) to ignite the fuse. Soon, smoky clouds roll in, and whew! “Maybe mom was right, this all feels bad, ugly, are relationships ugly, am i broken, who am i, what do i have to offer anyone?” If we become restless, we start trying to get rid of the source, find the “thing”, figure ourselves out, and so forth. Unneeded. Instead, if you sit peacefully with the smoke, it blows away quickly as the emotion runs out. Said differently, directly, fear of women blows thoughts through the mind, but the thoughts are empty, unneeded to figure out what to do next (except that they’re there, hello, fear!) Don’t feed the thoughts, “buy into them” and the emotions settle on their own. Then, “Hey look, its a sunny day, didn’t notice that. Oh and wow, look! A blank page!”

Namaste, brother, may your journey be magnificent.

With warmth,
Matt