Hi Trevor

You sound like a very young soul from your post.

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you or your suppressed or non-existent urges. You are awesome as you are. Instead of trying to find help outside to get you past this hurdle, can we perhaps look inside.

I am amazed with the self work that you have already done on figuring out your self-limiting beliefs. However, to blame them on your mother is not a positive step forward. We need to let the blame go. Hey, we all have many self-limiting beliefs, which have been given to us from our conditioning in this world. However, the person who is able to acknowledge that and put in the self-work, which is required, achieves all good things in life.

When Trevor is able to be just Trevor, I am very confident that you will be able to get your mojo back. Trevor has been living someone else’s life upto this day despite living in the moment. Let the real Trevor come out with love and nurture.

Hey, everyone in this world is looking for acceptance. But it all starts with self. When you are able to accept Trevor for who he is, you wont have time for your self-limiting beliefs when you meet a new partner. You will be able to accept her for who she is and openly communicate your needs to her and you will also allow her to do the same. This helps to form a balanced and respectful relationship. If the relationship doesn’t work out for whatever reasons, take the positives out of it and learn the lessons for the future. What is the need to keep hanging on to the hurt, fear and guilt ? What does this achieve for anyone ?

There must be some beautiful lessons that you could have learnt from your last break up ? Have you learnt anything new about yourself from that experience ? If yes, awesome. If not, look again. Every stumbling block, which has been put in our path is to take us to bigger and better things. Those who realise this keep marching forward. Those who do not realise that get stuck in the rut and keep learning the same lessons again and again.

Do you get the point ? Does this make sense ?

Loads of positive energy coming your way and here’s to an awesome Trevor who is marching forward with pride. He respects himself greatly and he offers the same respects to every other individual or thing, which comes in front of him.

Jasmine

No worries Trevor. It is sometimes normal to be confused when you are trying to figure out all the underlying root causes. Don’t be too hard on yourself, yeah.

I think Big Blue @talkingwithtinybuddhah may be able to help you start on a looking-after-yourself journey with his experience. He has done a useful post earlier on how to turn life around and be yourself. When you are able to be you, you will surely get your mojo back 🙂

Hi Trevor,

The posting goes back about six weeks on the topic of how a girl can help her guy.

I have certainly had a couple rough landings or take offs in relationships. The more you depend on a relationship the more it adversely affects you when it ends. Because you did not share about your breakup, I’m wondering if you were shattered then, like most people, and you are still stuck in the jet wash. Are you? Possible Rx: watch some tear jerker movies. Think back to that relationship. Let your emotions flow. Finish the grieving process. Then, eventually, you will open back up again.

Another way to get comfortable with expressing emotions is to get into a fan sport. Ideally, go to a live event and sit up close. In lieu of that, attend a local bar. Smack some high fives when someone hits a game-winning home run. If this feels awkward, force yourself as an experiment. Try three plus games. Note: I never used to hug.

Ok what’s all this mystery with women? Inky posted recently a book recommendation, look through her recent posts. It’s about romance and other stuff. Read it. While looking for the book title, notice her posts and appreciate her thinking. And other posts of women – Jasmine – to understand their perspectives. This site is unique with these open insights.

“Girls always act entitled and reluctant and I always have to chase them”
Possible Rx: be confident and strong, have a sense of humor, open doors for everyone, practice good hygiene … and some women might just approach you.
Possible RX: do the same as above and add “Hi” to the beginning. Next time you see her say “hi” again and chat. Don’t say “anhedonic.”

“If I try to chase a girl it will seem needy or awkward and they won’t like it”
Possible Rx: don’t feel needy. This means getting “no thanks” when you suggest coffee is ok and won’t ruin your day. Go about your business because you have things to do, but be open to the people around you.
Possible Rx: fail at this several times. Learn from the interactions.
Possible Rx: romance. Ibid inky’s book.

“Girls won’t regard my sexual nature and will think I’m creepy or something and won’t like it”
Possible Rx: if you think you are creepy, then upgrade your software to a non-creepy version. We are biologically designed for intimacy, so if you don’t feel right, then download some fixes.
Possible Rx: watch the movies One Fine Day (1996). See how the Clooney character is. Oh and see how the Pfeiffer character is.

“A girl won’t ever really understand me”.
Possible Rx: seek to understand to be understood. Listen two times the amount you speak. Ask questions because you are genuinely interested, and if you are not, then go with it until you are.

Most important and this gets back to my opening question about your breakup, Trevor you need to love yourself. And like yourself. The warts along with the big words and all your pluses. Make a list of all your cool characteristics. Do things to build your self esteem. Maybe something disruptive. What would be a disruptive self esteem builder? CrossFit is one example. Try CrossFit or something for three months. Boxing lessons. Something physical, mental and emotional. Spiritual? This will help you with you mojo as Jasmine said.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.

First of all: Wow, Big Blue, thank you for the kind words!!! P.S. I think you rock the website in a vital way!!

Trevor: I don’t have a lot more to add, BUT thoughts…

1. If I read right, you are now OFF the meds, right?? OK, if that’s true, I’ve been doing some diet experiments on myself. So, I ditched sugars and grains. Just eating veggies and proteins. What I’ve noticed is my body gets this Warm, Grounded, Delicious feeling. (Note: Hooray! A Feeling!) I’ve also experimented with going on Juice Fasts (Feasts) where you go Raw Vegan (only fruits and veggies). Day Three I’ve gotten this floating, spiritual walking on air feeling. Yes, yes, I know it’s from Fasting, but, I was FEELING.

2. I think you actually put your all into your relationship and you are Numb. Google/buy books on Soul Retrieval. You quite possibly, literally, left a part of yourself behind.

3. Maybe you’re not supposed to feel anything until you get a Trigger. A beautiful girl, an intense experience, seeing Jesus. Maybe you are actually OK?? Try all the suggestions on this post first though.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Thanks Inky and Matt. Heart warming responses as usual 🙂

Hey Trevor,

I have to agree with Big Blue that you use pretty big words. Hey, what’s with the medicalisation of your condition? You are either a psychiatrist or psychologist trained in the use of these terms or you have been seeing these people for too long ? Which one is it ? Either is not good for your mojo, lol.

Hey, life is as beautiful as we make it out to be and as sad as we make it out to be. As your consciousness grows, you will realise that it is all in the head. If you tell yourself, the psych meds have created the neuronal changes or will take few months to wash out of the system, your brain will take that as gospel and it will create that reality.

Create a positive and life embracing reality for yourself. Imagine yourself hanging out with the a loving and beautiful lady with a vibrant smile, who is just smitten by Trevor. Now, wont that be fun ? Grieve over the past relationship and let it go. The choice to let it go is in your hands, yeah 🙂 A beautiful future awaits Trevor.

Off to a yummy breakfast with an awesome company.

Jasmine