I’ve got some further thoughts for you after reading your response.

“Avoiding unpleasant feelings or thoughts” is one of the keys, in my opinion. Pretty much all living beings, when left on autopilot, will avoid pain and seek pleasure. A mature human being, however, has the capacity to accept and face an unpleasant situation without trying to escape it at all cost. It is terrifying and very difficult at first, but your brain will adapt and it becomes easier and easier to cope with those situations. Just allow the unpleasantness to exist and don’t try to look the other way. You’re not going to die from it, and as soon as your brain realizes this as well, there is a feeling of relief afterwards, and you’re one step closer to a mature mind.

We aren’t born with those capabilities, but we grow and adapt. If you’ve always avoided facing pain, then that part of the growth is still in front of you. You have to do it sooner or later or continue to avoid things. I personally continued to avoid the pain and reality and came up with more and more elaborate ways to deal with things, until finally it all caught up with me and everything collapsed like a house of cards. I had no other choice than to face what I didn’t want to face. I lost the person I wanted to be with, and I guess I had to, as it was the only way for me to finally see that I couldn’t continue living the way I had lived until then.

I don’t think there is anything shameful about the immature patterns. We all do the best that we can with what we’ve got. Nobody deliberately makes a mess of their own life and if you don’t have the right tools to deal with the mess, then things will just spiral further out of control, and there’s not much you can do about it. To be able to make a conscious choice would require the knowledge that you actually can choose. As long as a person mindlessly seeks pleasure and avoids pain in any way possible, they’re not free to choose.

I would also like to point out that a desire to be fearless is also a bit of ego talk. We still are going to have fears and that is OK. It’s how you cope with that fear that counts. Being fearless is to be detached from reality and detached from life.

Similarly, the “this needs to stop now” type of talk is very similar to “I’m going to change my whole life, starting now!” It is very dramatic and those types of swings to one direction will inevitable be faced with an equally strong swing to the opposite direction. Subtle is good. Humility is good. Taking small steps and making small changes is good. Drop the drama, as it feeds the ego.

Something that has helped me personally tremendously was to realize what power words have. You know that chatter that tells you to run? It would not be able to exist if there weren’t any words. I deliberately stopped a lot of conversations going on in my head by simply refusing to create words. Now that was a huge relief and is still the way I gain access to a peaceful mind. I also removed especially the type of words that told me that I wasn’t good enough or that I was weak or a coward. The ego can turn against you really quickly when you try to fight it. I wasn’t capable of anything positive, and I don’t believe in any kind of forced positive thinking. Just removing the negative was enough. The positive will come naturally later when you’re free from the immature monster that’s wrecking havoc in your life. There is an inherent joy in living an authentic life and authenticity will happen naturally when you stop the middleman that is trying to twist everything to suit a situation. Being quiet can be a great way to move towards authenticity, as words are needed to manipulate the reality.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by The Ruminant.