Lisa,

I want to just point out, that the reason I focused more on your part was because you’re the one who is here asking what to do. There is no doubt in my mind that he should work on a lot of things. The problem is though, that it’s not going to be helpful for you if we say “if only he would change, then everything would be OK”. That’s the mantra of codependents 🙂 You can only control yourself and be honest in your communication with others in what you need and what you feel.

It really does sound like the environment is rather toxic and you’re both (or all three of you) stuck in a difficult situation. I can completely understand that it’s very difficult to get your own confidence back to where it should be in an environment like that, and that it is indeed easier to withdraw. Could you be more active outside of your home, attending events with a healthy environment? Or perhaps even a support group of some kind? When you’re alone in your own space, it’s so much easier to start over-thinking things and ruminating over what is going on in your mind and sometimes things will blow out of proportion. Quite frankly, I think that’s what is happening to your husband as well.

I’m also not downplaying his flirting. Or perhaps I am a bit, as I’ve never really seen anything bad about flirting…when it’s healthy and not used as an ego-boost. I can also completely understand that it would become a bigger issue if both have some work to do with self-esteem. With higher self-esteem, a bit of a wink and a smile and laughter with others isn’t such a threat. It’s just being playful. But now it’s another nail in the coffin, so to speak.

I do hope that you’ll get some kind of resolution to everything, and that you don’t have to continue living in such a situation. It’s not good for anyone involved.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by The Ruminant.