My trust issues are a direct result of my own level of trust for myself.

Can I trust myself to accept that today I made a choice to be with this person and then act like it?

Or will I traumatize myself with my thoughts and feelings of mistrust that are directly related to my own past.

Today is a new day. Everyone has a clean slate. Bringing past or present thoughts into our now is the act of stealing serenity from ourselves IMO.

Trust begins with me. If I behave in ways that allow me to trust myself, mind – body – soul, I will not obsess on ‘if’ I can trust others so much. My happiness and contentment with myself will be enough – having a relationship is the cherry on top the cake – but I provide my peace, happiness and serenity by behaving in ways that contribute to those things.

For me this wasn’t easy. There were a lot of choices I made that were out of the ordinary for me when I started on a spiritual path. One was exactly related to this topic. Trusting my husband. As far as I knew (for sure) he was trustworthy. I was sabotaging our relationship with my jabs toward his trustworthiness – and ultimately it was all in my head. I needed to see the thoughts come, and let them pass – not follow the thought trail. Especially not act on it. This took practice – I was compelled to do things like check his phone or email and ask questions which were directly related to the negativity of my obsession.

It was simply that – an obsession. A way to distract me from me – and all of the feelings I had around my own untrustworthy past. I worked toward resolving those personal issues. I rooted out some of the reasons why I continually betrayed myself in life. Why I acted in ways that did not allow me to trust myself. For one, I was brought up believing I was fairly worthless – so as a result, I did not honor the being that I am. I did not find myself worthy of decent behavior.

The changes started with me. I had to discover my own set of morals and values, and then live up to them for my own sake – not for others. I had to prove to me that I could trust me to behave in those ways so I could begin to feel some self esteem and self worth. When I continually showed up for myself emotionally and spiritually, and started living a more spiritual and principle based life, I began trusting myself to not harm me emotionally.

Beyond that, I realized that trusting others was not so important. I didn’t need anyone to prove anything to me… if they were trustworthy or not no longer affected me so acutely… as I was already providing for myself through self love and growth. If they behaved ‘badly’ or not trustworthy or whatever… I didn’t take it personally. It wasn’t about me – just like my own issues were never about external things or people. They were about me. Nothing people did was AT me – and it didn’t/doesn’t DEFINE me as worthy of love or someone being committed to me etc. I already know that I am those things… because I act like it… like myself… and trust myself.

Ironically – my obsessions in all forms have ceased to exist as I got more in tune with my true nature which was to be kind, loving, honest, trustworthy, compassionate, passionate etc etc.

I no longer shop, eat, drink or clean impulsively – chew my nails or obsess about my husband or other people ‘misdoings’ to me. I focus on my life and my self and what I can do to make it peaceful.

I try to stay in the moment, focus on things that will bring out the best in me and others… and leave the results of all my efforts up to the Universe. By accepting things as they are, and myself as I am as I grow – I find peace and joy in being alive.

Best wishes on your journey
Tash