Bruce,

In addition to the other kindly advice, consider that as your mind is bouncing around all the whatifs and whatdidIdos, your forehead gets tingly, like a pressure building. Consider that we can bring our attention away from the thoughts to just rest on that tingle, holding our attention politely, like we’re hugging a friend. With some mindful breathing, the tangled mess opens up, and we can find laughter again.

Don’t you see the humor in it? An unknown text sparks your mind and body into a bunch of fantasy. That fantasy had a question mark, but implanted with all sorts of other visuals. Images of sex, dancing, dating… all with this unknown, the question mark. Kissing, hugging, touching. Then, the question is answered with “male”, and the question mark gets replaced with a dude. That’s hilarious! Then, all those seeds planted with the question mark get replaced by a guy, and shazam, a lightning bolt of suffering zaps you in the balls. Suddenly you have a bunch of fantasies with a male, which conflicts in a whole lot of ways with you. Ouch! And so you cycle. All normal, all usual. This happens with many unmet expectations, but here, tied into your sexuality, its especially vibrant. Its like a movie where there is a serious plot twist at the end, that changes the whole nature of the story. Sixth Sense, Usual Suspects, etc. Welcome to the Bruce Show! You’re the lead role!

Consider a few tender suggestions. The suffering is revealing some neat things about yourself that might benefit from some spring cleaning. First, your homophobia seems to come from social fear, rather than yourself. That’s great! If you’re like me, you consider divinity and grace to be about hearts in tune with each other… not about what gender, race, whatever. Man-woman, woman-woman, man-man… if love and connection are there, God is there, divinity expressing its highest potentials. If this isn’t enough, then perhaps “judge not” would help. Homosexuals are walking on a path sculpted by the same God as heterosexuals. And frankly, you have your own stubbed toes to tend. Ya know?

For the social fear, consider that other people’s thoughts are not yours unless you make them yours. If someone you love thinks you’re gay, or weird, that’s their delusional mind suffering with confusion. They aren’t seeing the truth, and so feel all sorts of feelings and think all sorts of thoughts… all of which have nothing to do with you. Buddha taught “not mine” as a posture for dealing with such attachments.

Finally, consider finding some gratitude for such lessons. This stranger has offered you (intentionally or unintentionally doesn’t matter) a chance to settle some old pain. Said differently, the appearance of seemingly random and unfortunate circumstances are actually quite fortuitous, favorable. Who knows how long your homophobia and social fear could have slumbered unnoticed, subtly impeding your happiness. No longer! They came to the surface, and now can be cleaned out, unpacked, set down. Be grateful, because even though it smarts now, fears and whatifs rampaging in your head, its always for the better when we let it be.

Namaste, brother, may your heartsong grow ever more radiant.

With warmth,
Matt