Hi Dermot.

I want to commend you on sharing and socializing here. I know you said it’s extremely painful for you to be social, and I want to honor the courage takes to share your pain and suffering to strangers.

I’m sensing an immense amount of shame hidden in your words. It seems like you feel you don’t deserve these things – happiness, love, support, relationships – but I assure you that you are worthy of them all. I noticed a lot of “I can’t’s” in your posts. Something I find useful is to change “I can’t” to “I won’t” – “I won’t go out and socialize”, “I won’t look for a job”, etc. Doing so give you some wiggle room because it’s implying you having free choice rather than it being some extraneous entity beyond your control. Since you have some time on your hands now is the time to get curious about yourself. What about going outside, having a relationship, searching for a job scares the crap outta you? How does staying inside, avoiding socializing, or beating yourself because you “can’t/won’t” help protect you/keeps you safe? And from what?

Many others’ here already gave you plenty of wonderful advice. Take things gradually. Gently push the edge of your comfort zone. You already seem very uncomfortable so what do you have to lose? Keep in mind you’re challenging some deep seated beliefs, some true and most untrue. It is a difficult, anxiety-provoking, and painful process to challenge our deep seated wounds.

Having support always helps, but only from people you trust. And if you won’t trust (some) people, again, get curious about it. Remember you have the support of us Tiny Buddhists here, and we do our best to support each other.

Be gentle with yourself… You are worthy of everything you think you’re not…

Peace and love,
Weston