Hi, @yankeegirl. 9 months chasing closure? You’re doing so well. I hope I was able to offer some personal insight, however subjective that might have been. Looking back over my post afresh and I feel as though I might have been a little aggressive in my anti-closure drive. Everyone goes through the stages of grief, with denial, regret, and self-loathing being very real de-motivators of our recovery. My main point is not that closure, or more importantly chasing closure, is not necessary. I don’t mean to say to anyone that your hopes of letting go early are in vain because I’ve been there and I know how hard it is to completely give up on something where love is involved. I’m just saying: when the time is right and you’re spiritually ready then try as best as possible to absorb the dis-necessity of perfect closure and reasonable explanation. It’s easy to accept or understand sound, experience-based advice but it’s another thing entirely to even attempt their practice. I was counselled by some very good close friends and after repeated ‘sessions’ with them in person, over Skype, I would leave and then do all the things I knew would obstruct my moving on. I would go stalk her, keep contact with her friends and family, search through old conversations, and bring up pictures of her on my computer. I knew it wasn’t healthy but it’s something that I had to submit to. Don’t feel bad about your length of closure. Everyone is conditioned to a different psychological timer. As much as it seems hopeless, you must understand you will love again and it will be better than ever. Why? I believe it’s these very situations of heartbreak that make us immeasurably more suited to, ready for, and aware of love than we ever could have been without their transpiring. In addition, our mind is capable of very rational, logical short-term fixes that actually do make sense whereas our heart wants to be repaired by reuniting with long-term connection and love. The longer there is conflict between these, the longer our recovery will take. Those who are able to move on so much faster than us are not the cold, whimsical people I once thought but are simply more adept at getting their mind and heart to work together. At the close of the day, the most cathartic thing for me to realise is that I need to stop ‘trying’ to make someone more like me and me more like them. Compromise is fine and acceptance is preferred, but trying to force change is ultimately useless and damaging; I would prefer someone to love me for me than have them love a version of me I’d created just in order to make a relationship work. We need to find the beauty in seeing relationships objectively as simply ‘attempts’ (or a series thereof) to share a commonality with someone completely different to us… until we end up in one that just makes sense.