Hi, @paddington. Very good points – points I intentionally blurred in my post since I was writing from a partially negative (jaded, frustrated, lonely) perspective to catch others with similar feelings. Irrespective, I always appreciate other views. It’s true and should be refreshing to succumb to the knowledge that with each failed relationship we get irrevocably closer to being ready for better, more appropriate ones. It’s a simple yet hard to accept fact that humans are psychologically different and living under the expectation that they can change and, worse, will change should be interred immediately. Yes, my ‘interpretation’ of maturity and rationality was based on my own ideas of what such behaviour constitutes. To an extent, I’m right in seeing and acting on differences like this but I should try not to wholly compare her understanding of maturity with my own, even in the greater scheme of socially accepted mores and stereotypes handed down over time. I acknowledge it should be beneficial for me to see so much optimism in taking note of the simple fact of ‘mismatching’ but I guess I’m still holding on to the idea that regardless of such differences, people should still be able to work through things and, most importantly, ‘want’ to work through things. I have a big problem, which I may not have inferred in this topic, with expecting people will change. It hurts both me and the other person involved because I can’t seem to reconcile this until after my partner has proved their commitment to me in some way or another. Just like with @Porterman’s circumstances, I feel your ascription as the ‘dumper’ is too a technicality because it is so obvious based on the basic sincerity of your post that he unashamedly refused his contributing role in the relationship. What additionally struck me was that he is a sociable person and that this precluded outsiders from commiserating with your relational issues, especially those that might revolve around him not being open and communicative to someone. This too goes back to what I referred to @Porterman: it’s so easy for society to affix blame to the final catalysing factor without even a slight glance at the preponderance of ‘small’ contributing factors that build up over time to in fact cause said catalyst. I will admit that whilst your admission of dumping runs counter to the main driving points of my original post, I do sympathise with your efforts, as well as your will to finalise something that had, as you intimate, died a while ago. Dissimilar to my case is that he was ‘given’ what I see as reasonable cues that might trigger him to action or even reaction but instead has cemented him more rigidly to inaction. Admittedly, he acted like I did when I was dumped – expecting reinstatement – but I was given no forewarning or chance for recourse as he appears to have been given repeatedly. Thank you for reinforcing more eloquently my original message:

‘staying in a relationship which hurts you, or seeking closure for why it has ended, are both energy-sapping and emotionally-draining activities which do not move you forward. Accept the […] bottom-line that your values, personalities and needs were not in sync and too far out of sync for the better parts of your relationship to offset this. Acceptance will not pull you back, it will bring you to the here and now of your life. The end of an [out-of-sync] relationship frees us to find that person who will be our great match. I am sure that my boyfriend will find the [woman] who will be his, and I will find the man who will be mine. This is what makes me happy inside.’

It appears you registered just to comment on this post. I did the same thing half a year ago when I was going through my breakup. I really hope you can stay a little while longer and continue sharing some of your insightful and startlingly wise experiences with me and the rest of the community.