Trevor,

Consider “thanks for looking out for me, mom. A clean floor is less distracting than a dirty, and you’ve always been there for me, keeping me safe in your own way.”

Your parents will always be your parents, and to be free of their control is to honor their imperfect attempts at showing you how to live. Said differently, freedom from mom nagging would take a miracle, that’s what moms usually do. Becoming free of the anxious response on your side is about forgiving the toe stepping they do in kind consideration of all of the shoes they’ve offered you.

Said differently, wake up, kid! For food and shelter and freedom to find education, your cost is having to hear her bitch about all your clothes on the floor and other “improvement” ideas she grumpily tosses at you? She’s a parent! You’re her baby! Its been her job to teach you to wipe your own bottom, and that takes a looong time to erode. I’m 37, and my mom still does it.

From another direction, consider how happy she would be if she came home and found your space sparkling. “Hey mom, it must be agitating to see my space dirty, and your shoulders are heavy with all that other stuff you do. Come see, I have a gift for us both.” How much effort would it take, really, to sidestep that whole situation proactively? Less than the struggle to “be a man”, “be independent” :). Almost always, when we set aside the nagging quality of a mother, woman, or anyone really, we find the kernel of a loving intention, a need, going unheard. I chuckle when men complain that their partners nag… “why might she have felt unheard?”

With warmth,
Matt