Thank you Vic for sharing your story as it helps remind me that I’m not only person who is dealing with similar issues.

“The truth will set you free”, “Honesty is the best policy”, “We always tell the truth” are phrases that are so deeply engrained in me that unfortunately, when applied indiscriminately, actually cause more harm that good.

I like what Matt said about being skillful in speech. I’m going to print out and post this phrase somewhere where I can readily see it. “Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” In terms of kind, I take that to mean kind to the other person and kind to yourself. Am I correct? For example, sometimes, we can express self-deprecating “truths” because we feel the need to be honest with someone, when it fact, much of the self-deprecation is negative self-talk that is neither true nor kind to your self-image, esteem, or helping you build your relationship.

I struggle with the word truth because in life, there are no absolute truths. What is true today may not have been true yesterday and may not be true tomorrow. All of our perspectives are affected by the lens that we’re looking through at any given moment based on past experiences and current feelings and thoughts.

I recently said something very unpleasant during my break-up to my ex which still haunts me to this day. It wasn’t true when I first met her, it felt true at the moment (but it was neither necessary nor kind), and, if the relationship kept on going, may not have been true in the future. Either way, I think Matt is spot on as he helps us better understand what is meant by right speech.