@TheRuminant,

Okay I get you now, but yes! I inadvertently resort to blaming my honesty for my lack of action and willingness to express myself in a selfless manner although I try getting out of my comfort zone every day. In a way, I’m happy with myself but I still long for my confidence/social skills to be where it was at back when I was in grade school. I was pretty normal but now, I’m a bit of an oddball lol. I actually do have the willpower to practice, it’s just sometimes fear gets in the way so my selfishness is what makes it a task for me. As Matt pointed out in one of my other posts, when I am stuck in my head (which is 99% of the time a pretty girl’s around) it makes it all about me and I know I have great things to offer.. but I can’t share the love when my mind’s preoccupied and not fully in the present. This is my issue and I’m striving to improve.

You made me chuckle with the last paragraph because you actually described me spot on haha, even with the “adorable turtle” part. 😉 A few months ago for my friend’s birthday, we were all going out to a saloon to celebrate and I was in a great mood at the beginning of the night so I had not a problem conversing with this one cool girl, in the now. I noticed some signs she made and I’m sure she was interested and wanted for me to take it a bit further, but that’s when I froze up and started acting weird. It’s like my awareness of her interest automatically made that shell come out and I pretty much ignored her for the rest of the night although I didn’t want to. I was just stuck and I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to go about it or how to make a move. Or.. I don’t know, I make things too complicated. I’d happily let me guard down but it’s sort of like a different Vic comes out in times of uncertainty due to the lack of experience in relationships and prior outcomes. :\ (Here I go again taking the blame off myself :D) I hope it will be easier now that you’ve pointed this out for me. Thanks Ruminant, I really appreciate the wise words and insight you give.