Hello Alyce,

It sounds as if you didn’t really have a chance to grow up, before you already started taking on a lot of responsibility over other people. I remember reading this one psychology book with all the phases of growing up and that there is kind of a requirement to go through all of the phases sooner or later. If you postpone them for some reason, they will still be there, waiting for you when you’re older.

I’ve seen it in myself and in other people how difficult it gets over time, when more responsibilities start to pile up, but the capacity to handle them hasn’t grown. All the while the inner child is asking “What about me? What about my needs?” Then you feel bad about thinking like that and feel like you need to give more, but you can’t.

Do take your own time, but instead of trying to escape the reality or ruminating over the thoughts that you’d be bad (you’re not), take time to nurture that inner child. Meditate, get in touch with nature, draw or paint, give yourself the nurturing, attention and love that you need. When you get your needs met, you’ll find that you have so much more energy to be there for others as well. What now feels like a chore can start to feel like a blessing.

You also really have to stop telling yourself that you are bad, because that just takes up even more energy and causes even more emotional outbursts. If you can’t say anything nice to yourself, don’t say anything. Just nurture yourself and love yourself unconditionally.