Step 1) Place butt on cushion
Step 2) Rest comfortably, in body and mind, “OK, for now, just this. Set down future, set down past, set down questions, set down thoughts.”
Step 3) Count breaths. In, one. Out, one. In, two. Out, two. Go from one to five, then start again, one to six. Start again one to seven. Go up to one to ten. If you forget what number you’re on, or what number is next to count to (am I on seven or eight?) start again. One to five. Then one to six. Etc. (Ajahn Jayasaro explains this, and more skilfully)
Step 4) Spend one week doing this twice a day, for 15 minutes a session (longer if it feels right, but at least 15 minutes).
Step 5) Keep a journal during this week, when you meditated, counted breaths, what time, how you felt you did.
Step 6) Dont make excuses… when you feel the pull to the cushion, don’t put it off, go. “Maybe I’ll go count breaths now, ummm, nah…” leads to staying stuck. “Ummm… nah… oh wait, I was warned about this, better go do it.” leads to freedom.
Step 7) Write a post in seven days describing where you’re at, then. The questions that remain, seem most important. Choose one, at most two.

Rahel, right now its questions questions questions, flitter flitter flitter, with little space to feel and see the answers you need. Like when trying to create a painting, we have to slow down, look at each brush stroke. This takes space, patience, breath. You don’t seem to have that, which you’ll need, first. Many of your questions and fears will unravel without effort, once you can concentrate a little more, less sleep in your eyes, less needing to “jump away”. Is peace here? Maybe here? Maybe there? Maybe self love? Maybe compassion? Maybe letting go? No, sister, drop them. See step 1.

With warmth,
Matt