Jay,

That’s a good start,a good list of what you don’t like. Consider trying again, instead of pointing at the problems, write out what you’d like to have. Such as “I want to be happy”, instead of “I’m never happy”. Keep talking that way and you’ll be correct! Either way!

I don’t mean to be obtuse, but finding yourself is something you have to do yourself. Sit down, write it out. What qualities do you wish to have? What do you wish to see? Not “less pain, more pleasure”, go deeper than that. What qualities of mind and heart do you wish to grow? That’s your map, friend. The rest, icing. The rest, “what happens when jay dances with the world”. Jay, the man you’re looking for, is the fragrance that is given off by those tender qualities blooming. Water them, notice and attend them, help them grow, and you’ll not have to worry about finding Jay. You’ll be too busy being Jay. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt