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How do I start over?

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  • #61791
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’ve recently posted about how I’ve lost who I was and how a relationship ended..

    I’m not sure how to really attack this, but how do I find myself again?

    I’m not happy and haven’t been for two years, the only happiness I got came from a person, and I know this is so wrong and I understand this now..

    I always feel horrible, I feel lost and I’m unsure where I’m going on what my purpose is..

    I want to get rid of my emotional problems, jealousy, trusting, accepting, forgiving and letting go.. I’m really having a hard time with this.

    I just want to be happy again, doing what I love and not worrying over small things that don’t have a purpose.

    How do I become mindful, gain some awareness.. Where do I start.. I want to be a good person and be able to open up and love myself, for myself and others in the future.

    Thanks

    #61821
    Matt
    Participant

    Jay,

    That’s a good start,a good list of what you don’t like. Consider trying again, instead of pointing at the problems, write out what you’d like to have. Such as “I want to be happy”, instead of “I’m never happy”. Keep talking that way and you’ll be correct! Either way!

    I don’t mean to be obtuse, but finding yourself is something you have to do yourself. Sit down, write it out. What qualities do you wish to have? What do you wish to see? Not “less pain, more pleasure”, go deeper than that. What qualities of mind and heart do you wish to grow? That’s your map, friend. The rest, icing. The rest, “what happens when jay dances with the world”. Jay, the man you’re looking for, is the fragrance that is given off by those tender qualities blooming. Water them, notice and attend them, help them grow, and you’ll not have to worry about finding Jay. You’ll be too busy being Jay. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #61826
    Cinamon Streva
    Participant

    Jay, I understand where you’re coming from but because of other circumstances-although it’s the same feelings! I’ve been a mom and married my whole adult life- so everything about myself has been negotiated and compromised over time- there’s plenty of times I catch glimpses of who I am and who I want to be but ultimately my “responsibilities and obligations” draw me back to this place where I don’t feel allowed to think about what I want from life. I finally decided after nearly two decades of teaching that I really don’t want to be a teacher but I have to work, and I truly feel like if I keep trying to teach I’m going to lose all of myself- not just because of the job but from continually allowing others to influence what I do with my life- not listening to my soul, not being who I want to be. So, who is this person we want to be? Who does he look like? What are you attracted to? Does anything bring you joy? Can you do more of that? Not temporary pleasure like eating a Snickers or looking at funny animals on the internet- what really makes you feel like you? I love to be outdoors, I garden, I write, I create, sew, paint, I like helping people. I know this- does that make it more likely I will do what is good for me? no- when we get down, when we’re lost, somehow we are less likely to do what we know would be the best thing for us- like go for a jog, or eat a salad, or phone a friend. Take time to think about what you want your life to look like- dream big- write down action steps to get there- and start doing something every day to put yourself out there and accomplish some tiny feat toward being who you want to be. Your life as you want will follow. My best friend is a 50-something year old gay guy who is always lonely and longs for my domestic “bliss” and I keep telling him I wish I was on my own doing whatever the hell I wanted to do. The grass is never greener anywhere else but under your own feet. You take care of you and the rest will come. I’ve been married a bazillion years and have three nearly grown kids and a shaky marriage- but until I get my crap straight no relationships really work right- and you can do it one step at a time. Think a bit and then DO something!

    #61831
    William
    Participant

    Again. Matt is pretty much there!!! All I can say is….’to thine own self be true’ yes it has been said before but as I grow older, wiser and a little bit clearer…it is the best way. Otherwise….wasted life.

    #61836
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    At the moment I’m working a night shift.. As soon as I Finnish work I sleep all day, not just because in tired because it’s an easy escape at the moment, no thoughts.. And then at work I’m busy all night and for the most part around friends so I feel good.

    But as soon as I’m alone, I feel so alone. So many thoughts racing through my head.

    All the things I used to enjoy I find it hard to do now, not as enjoyable and a lot of the things I shared with someone, so just brings out memories.

    I don’t know what’s happened to me and that’s the frustrating part, trying to figure out where I got lost, why I became so attached and dependant? I’ve never been like that before and don’t wish to be ever again..

    In saying that I’ve half accepted what’s happened, thats why I’ve applied for a job in japan, I’ve given up hope and I’m doing my best to let a relationship go.. This was my first step and I’m going to continue asking myself what is I truly want and what makes me happy for once. I forever put people but more specifically my ex first on my list of priorities.

    I really appreciate the feed back from you all. I just feel so silly and weak that I feel this, and at a young age too, I can’t talk to anyone about this which saddens me.

    But I know that on my journey I’m going to meet and make friends, meet wonderful people and for that I am excited for what the future brings.

    #61841
    Andy
    Participant

    Jay,

    I am experiencing the exact same thing as I type this. The break-up, the same emotions, the same questions, the same fears.

    What I’m learning in my life journey and in my opinion now, is

    1) My emotions are fleeting, like the weather. They pass.

    2) It is SO, SO hard, but I believe that my only true happiness is right now, in the moment. As I am responding to this post, I feel better than an hour ago when I was on my knees crying, staring at what’s left of my earthly possessions in a pile for storage. Action, doing something like this to connect in some way and hope to provide the assurance you (we) are not alone.

    3) I just finished “The Alchemist”. It was by no coincidence someone mentioned it to me a few weeks ago. It is a life-changing experience is all I can say. It has allowed me to reframe this change. Better, stronger days await me. I am convinced of it after reading this. I am seeking my “Personal Legend.”

    4) I also read a quote just a few days ago that has resonated as to how grateful I should be daily. “Whenever you start worrying about your troubles, remember there is someone, somewhere, praying to have them.” Whoa. I have such “first world” problems. I actually have clothing to put in storage! I have friends and family that will never allow me to go without a meal or a roof over my head. We give love and receive it far more. I hope you can feel love coming to you now. Complete strangers, reaching out to you. You are a blessing in my journey. You’ve opened a door for me to write, speak from my heart and understand I am not alone.

    5) I never want to give advice. I simply had to chime in, virtually give you a hug and tell you there’s another guy going through the same thing right now. I just wanted to share my thoughts as my emotions are swirling like stormy weather. Inevitably, the sun returns. I know it will for all of here going through troubled times.

    All this said, we are human, we can not levitate on a cloud of bliss. However, ALL of our emotions are gifts. I want to experience this, as painful as it is and will be, fully. I don’t and won’t drown it out with alcohol or drugs as I would have in the past. I want to present. I want to cry.

    And I want to feel this painful change because I’ve also learned that I have never, ever grown or learned anything without it.

    I am sending you my sincere appreciation for this moment. We will be stronger. Only faith can fight fear.

    We shall, brother.

    #61859
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Andy,

    I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through, you know exactly how I’m feeling so I imagine it’s not the most pleasant feeling.

    I hope you find strength and keep strong my friend, as I’m trying to do.

    I look at the positives, and I do have parts of me that feel good and excited, I feel good knowing

    1) I’m learning something very important about life and myself at an early age

    2) I’m addressing my own problems and wanting to fix them

    3) knowing what I don’t want in life, things to do with myself aswell as a relationship

    4) simply encouting amazing people such as yourselves, people I have not had the pleasure of meeting, yet come together to listen, help and care for others.. It’s beautiful.

    4) learning from mistakes basically, and finding myself and what makes me happy.

    5) not knowing what can happen, taking it day by day and letting the universe do it’s thing.. I am excited for what is coming my way.. Good or bad.. I will get through it and learn from everything that happens.

    I do miss people and memories, but being 23 I have plenty more coming if all goes well in life.. And this is something I need to remember.

    I understand there are a lot of people worse off than myself, and I hate that I feel so upset with what’s going on in my life in even think about others who are ha I g more of a struggle, I guess this is where I need to be truly greatful for what I have.

    #61861
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Everyone

    Thanks Andy @baldylocks What an amazing insight 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

    Hi Jay

    You may be 23 but you seem very evolved for your age. It is so heart warming to see that you want to create positive changes in your life and move forward.

    Hey, everything that has happened in our lives is only preparing us for the moment, which is yet to come. Take the positives from each experience and keep flowing with life. There are 2 broad types of people in this world: one who keep flowing and marching forward and life rewards them with everything they want and secondly, people who get stuck in the rut and keep complaining, why this, why that etc.

    I think you belong to the first category 🙂

    Keep marching forward whether you have the motivation or not. Just create an intention that life is gonna be awesome each day and it cant be anything otherwise. That intention will help you create actions and once you put these actions into place, life takes a momentum, which cant be stopped.

    An attitude of gratitude is a priceless treasure that we all have and can utilise every time we get kicked in the bum by situations, people or circumstances.

    Keep moving forward my friend. Beautiful life and people await you and Andy.

    Cheers

    Jasmine

    #61863
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you to everyone, for taking time to read and sharing thoughts x

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