Peace57,

In addition to the other heartfelt responses, consider that perhaps your problem isn’t with the emotions, its with becoming entangled in situations, people, ideas. They “stick” inside the brain, causing compression, fast sprouting thoughts that mash together, that seem to take up all the space, all the attention. New stimuli presses up against this pressure cooker, which shoots off angry steam. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

To overcome emotional bursting, consider two separate processes. The first is cultivating the soft heart of compassion, or the tender, open space inside. We can plant, tend, and help grow this space by practicing metta meditation. As we sit and think happy thoughts, wish for happiness for us and others, the mind becomes smooth and peaceful. This helps open up the space, so the events you stress over, lament, and become angry from, happen in a much wider space. Such as, a tree growing in a wide open field doesn’t stress us, takes up space, but there is plenty around it. While a tree growing in our bedroom does take up space, demands our attention.

Over time, the challenges you’re dancing alongside won’t pull you in. Consider “Peace57 works diligently to grow his spacious warmth, and protects that growth by not grabbing on to events that close the space. Except when he does.” There grows a continuity of intention that becomes a new baseline, a new guide. “Today, I shared warmth and friendly feelings with my extended human family, except for a few times when I got pulled in, became entangled. No biggie, just some pulling in, I choose to drop the entanglements, move back toward spaciousness.”

What can grow here is a place of resillance to stress, not from strength of mind such as choosing to do a loving action when we feel angry, but instead, a wide space of mind that prevents agitation from compressing. Therefore there is less anger, less allure to respond that way, less pull. The friendliness that grows on the cushion remains strong, such as “perhaps last year, you stepping on my toe would have ensnared me, but here and now, as I see a friend that was just was busy with their journey, its not about me.” and done. Or, “the other artists drive to see their creations, their views utilized. We all want that, its not about me, no need to let it corrode my own joy.” Forgive, see clearly, move on. Hey look, sunlight! What a beautiful day to be living through! Toe stepped on “nah, not worth grabbing it, I have the space to hug you despite you stepping there”. Hey look, sunlight! What a beautiful day…

The second process is learning not to jump and diagnose from the uncomfortable places. Not trying g to figure out the anger while angry, not feeling mad that anger is there, not trying to run and hide from it. Just anger arising, normal, usual, it passes, breathe. Just ego arising, self cherishing, normal, usual, beehive buzzing, it passes, breathe. In these moments, you can use a mantra of untangling, such as “Whatever the causes, on their side or mine, that contribute or create the painful feelings inside me, I choose to set down, walk away from, and forgive those causes. May we be free, happy, and peaceful.” This will connect with all the good work you do in meditation, helping to bring the cushion to the canvas. Helping bring your tender heart back to the present, having space to do something different, something new.

Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. If accustomed to breath meditation already, consider “bhante gunaratana guided metta meditation”, instead. The second one bridges better into mindfulness, or attentive mental focus. Much like an artist pays close attention to the colors, images, and mediums used, a mindful person pays close attention to where their attention is really resting, noticing the ripples of thoughts in the mind.

Said differently, and to sum it up, don’t try to stop anger from arising, learn to open the space, step aside from the triggers that ensnare your mind, and the cause dissolves, anger never arises. Anger is too fiery to wield easily, and except in a few cases, isn’t worth doing anything with at all. Breathe, see its impermanence, be done, move on.

Namaste, dear brother, may your path be free of entanglements.

With warmth,
Matt