Hi Big Blue, thanks for your thoughts. You are right about the not thinking clearly. Since I posted the original post, I have started to look for approaches to make the thinking clearer. One approach is to analyze scenarios. There is only one scenario in which Liz and I indulge in our crush, and where the outcome might be positive. And that would be for my wife to encourage or allow an “open relationship”. Well, my wife isn’t, and even if she were, I understand from reading about the topic here and there, that open relationships in the majority of cases do not work well and can lead to aggravation and heartache as well. So this scenario needs to be discarded. All other scenarios are negative, anyway. So, I am thinking more clearly now than a couple of days ago. That doesn’t completely get rid of the infatuation though. Another approach I am using is to direct my thoughts away from “what could be” with her, and from the loss I sense right now, toward the positives in my life and to getting back to the life I actually want to live. Which of course includes a my beloved wife. I try to guide my thoughts toward rekindling the love I feel for her and superimpose that on the infatuation with Liz. This, too, does its bit toward reducing the infatuation.

You suggest a sort of mechanical solution, namely to completely sever the relationship with Liz for an extended period. Although I won’t rule that out either, I am still reluctant to do that. For now, we have agreed on a 3-week break, and, as Matt suggested, to carefully watch our communications, to make sure we aren’t connecting just to connect. For the past 36 hours or so we have had no contact. It sucks but I can see that this, too, does its bit.

Perhaps in three weeks we will find that the period wasn’t long enough. I suppose we’ll “double the dose” then.

Where did the 6 months you suggested come from? Your personal experience? Data from mental health literature?