Lurker,

Consider stop approaching her from the mind, stop wanting her pain to go away. She’s protecting the reality of her feelings, defending her pain. Its very easy to unintentionally be invalidating to her emotions when you try to “show her a better way”. Instead, show her your warmth, your hugs.

Said differently, stop trying to fix her. Hug her, and she’ll fix herself. Offer her love, acceptance. “You are beautiful, loved, when happy or sad or anything in between”. That feeling she has of wrath is normal, doesn’t need “new ideas” pushed at it, just an open, listening heart that holds her hand gently. Not “grow this way” or “grow that way”. She’s had enough pokes for one lifetime, let her be.

Finally, consider that when you grab ideas and start talking about freedom, the way the works works truly, what she should be doing with her time, and so forth, you’re approaching her emotions from an analytic space. This is often like trying to feed someone already stuffed. Problem solving with someone unready, still in an emotional space. Consider zipping your lips, opening your heart, and just holding her. That’s when she’ll feel, rather than be told, that there is love and warmth in this world. If there is a large pull inside to fix her, such as if you notice you keep trying to jump in, save her, consider reading about codependency (books by Pia Mellody aim well in my opinion).

With warmth,
Matt