Hey brother,
You are not alone, there are several people that I know personally that are going through what you are experiencing right now.

First, you need to address with love and compassion the big elephant in the room in your life, which is the feelings of inadequacy, I keep hearing the same story in your words, you keep playing in your head over and over that you’re not enough. This has to be addressed in your inner most heart with sincerity, without judgment or shame, you have to deal with yourself with complete love and self-acceptance.

Second, start practicing happiness, by practicing gratefulness. There was a time in my life when i had nothing and I was where you are today. And let me save you the trouble and tell you that happiness does not come easy, IT IS A PRACTICE. A skill that has to be turned on and practiced every single day. I heard from somewhere, forgot who said it, that happiness does not come from getting a nice car or a degree happiness is directly generated by practicing gratefulness. For example, when you find yourself down and blue practice gratefulness by pointing out 2 to 3 things that you are feeling grateful for and I mean truly grateful, you could be grateful for your computer because it has provided you entertainment. You could be grateful for your working eyes that never fail you, or be grateful for your breath because it takes care of itself no matter what’s going on with you, it never forgets to breath no matter what you are going through. By doing this overtime you will start to see the difference. Overtime you will start to choose happiness instead of the current thoughts that keep filling your head with.

The format goes like this, I am grateful for _______(what)___________, because_____(and then state your reason why you are grateful).

Happiness should not be based on what kind of profession you have, what kind of house you have, what kind of state your living in, how much money you have or what you don’t have, all these kinds of thoughts are blinding you from the logical truth which is happiness has to be practiced it is a skill it doesn’t just happen naturally. It has to be practiced especially when shit hits the fan.

The other thing is, you keep wanting self- acceptance from the outside world. You keep wanting to be a part of what’s out there. You want validation from the people around you and that’s why you keep hurting yourself mentally. And it will keep happening as long as you keep looking out there for validation and acceptance. You need to look inward and start with awareness addressing your habits of thought. It’s time for you to realize that this way of thinking does not make sense any more. You need to focus on accepting your-self and life. The validation you need to seek is from yourself. Before you make friends with someone else you need to make friends with yourself.

The truth is what you need is knowledge. The truth will set you free. Read Dr. Wayne dyer’s books (check out his youtube videos do his morning AHHHH meditations, which you can find on youtube it changed my life). Read Pema chodron’s books, she deals with fear and procrastination. Brene Brown is also good she helps with shame and talks about great fullness. These people have changed my life, reading their material will help you understand your current condition and on how to improve. Also all these people can be found on youtube, take a look at their teachings. You will like reading their books because its easy to follow and will enlighten your current situation. You’ll even find yourself saying holy shit thats what i have been doing all this time, i need to change that!!!!

Laslty if I said anything too harsh forgive me and I am sorry If I fully did not understand your situation.

Wish you love brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!