Hi Kingmaker
Sorry to hear you are going thru this situation.. sometimes we get too attached with people who hurts us, I’m sure before you met your girlfriend you were a different person? I guess after being in an abusive relationship we cannot see a way out from this person, I mean the way your girlfriend is treating you is kinda abusive, she is with someone else yet she is leading you on and playing with your feelings, unfortunately some people are like this, they don’t want you but they don’t want you to move on either, it’s a sort of mind games, I guess we put up with it because it’s something to do with our self esteem and low confidence. Do you seriously think you love your girlfriend or is it just an attachment that you have? Sometimes we as human beings want to prove to others that we can make our partners change their behaviour, we will do anything to win our partner, to make them see how much we love them…I have been thru this with my past relationships, only to find out later that my partner has totally moved on and I’m blaming myself for not being good enough, didn’t do enough and so on…
I have not seen or heard from my ex for over 2’months now, I’m getting stronger everyday, I did try to call him last month, but he didn’t respond so I left it at that, my friends tell me he is with someone else, there is not much I can do as if he really cared about our 5 yrs relationship he would not have moved on so quick.
These days I’m taking time to look after myself, I go jogging on the beach and up mountain, I go for a swim and spend time in nature, it has helped me a lot as I was kinda falling into a mild depression as it’s not easy to face the future alone, the worst is trying to adjust to doing things on my own as we use to do so much together. Some days I don’t have much drive to do much, but on my good days I makes the most of keeping busy and doing things I enjoy… I know eventually I will wake up and not be thinking about him… I also spend time on this great website, reading the great post and also try to reply to some of the members who needs support.it does help to know that we are not alone in our problems and others need support too…
I don’t have any friends or family on the tiny island I’m living, I met my boyfriend on this island 5 yrs ago while on holiday, and decided after a while to move there with him.. We did so much, I build a place in the mountains, now I’m living alone there, luckily I have my dogs and a beautiful tropical garden for company..whereas he has his family and friends for support, So it’s kinda hard for me as all my family and friends live abroad.
I do understand how you feel, just take it easy and try not to contact her, it will do you good as for myself every time if think about contacting my ex to see if he’s ok, I let my thoughts slip on something else, like the way he never wanted to solve issues in our relationhship, like the facts that he was so quick to move on, I try to forget the good times and focus more on how he didn’t care to put more effort despite him saying hen loves me so much,I guess it’s more to do with guilt than love. Cause if someone truly cares they will not leave…
And finally the last paragraph: sometimes us humans we want what we cannot have, I mean it is true, as I take an example from myself, I have been with guys in the past who would do anything for me, strange thing is I didn’t feel interested, I always look for guys with so much issues and hard work for me to keep the relationship afloat. I just think it’s crazy..I’m sure deep in your heart you know this is over, but guess you are holding on to the last hope that she will change her mind, even if she does change her mind and come back to you, do you think you can ever trust her again after what happen? Those are the question you should answer to yourself. I’m sure you will find some answers and once you get your answers you will slowly be able to forget all about your ex. Best way to move on is no contact. Tust me it does help.whenever you want to contact her, keep your mind busy with something else. Do anything to distract you. U will heal and become stronger just by not contacting her…be strong, you deserve a lot better.
With regards
Kadija