Hello Chris

Thanks for your reply to my post, just I wanted to add is, my BF has been secretive throughout this 5 yr relationship, I have tried so much to explain my feelings to him to no avail, we both have our own banks account,he is employed while I run my own business, i share every aspects of my day to day performance of my work with him as I’m a very outgoing and trusting person. I want him to know what is happening in my life, yet with him it’s like he keeps all his bank statements, payslips in his locker at work, his work colleague knows more about his business then I do..I find this very strange as he never ever discusses his earnings with me. He will discuss his plans and visions with his mum or sister but not to me, when I tell him how I feel and that I’m feeling left out about things in his life, he gets defensive and makes it like I’m being controlling,it’s come to a point that his family interferes so much in our relationship as every time we argue he will go stay at his mums or sister.
he has a big family and everyone has to know we had a fight. Sometimes he would leave me for months and not even call or text to see if I’m ok. Last year he left for 5 months. I’m really sad cause I don’t have families were I am, I moved country to be with him and left all my family and friends abroad.
I don’t really know if he truly cared about me or what? I’m really confused and keep blaming myself for the arguments.i do miss my bf but I hate the fact that he is not showing a genuine understanding for my feelings and also to work on issues that creates arguments. He will give me the silent treatment as some form of punishment? It makes the situation worse, I can’t stand being ignored.
Worst is my bf would tell his family that I am problematic, and I create lots of drama. It’s like he plays the victim. It’s sad cause I accept when I’m wrong and apologise so many times to him. His got this mentality that I have to always run after him, call or text him to say sorry. My bf has never ever make the first move after we argue.
Surely all people argue in relationships, but to leave for months like this I guess it’s not normal? I don’t know if it’s his ego or if he’s with someone else during those times, 5 months is a long time. Yet when we get back together he would say how. Much he has missed me and he will treat me like a queen, he will take me on weekend breaks, buys me gifts, yet when we get back to normal he doesn’t make the effort. He also refuse to discuss the topics that created the break up. And after few weeks, the same issues emerge all over again..
It’s really hard for me cause I really care about my bf, sometimes I want to call him,but 3 weeks ago I call him he didn’t pick up my call or even sent a reply to my text message. I felt rejected.

Kadija

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Bernadette.