Hi Bernadette,

I couldn’t agree more with Matt/ Popi. As you described, if it started out in secrecy and leaving for months on end then it seems he was just in this for himself. He wanted this relationship tended to minimally when he was ready to come back but not while he was in it. He knew you would bring him back and he knew how to come back so leaving to go have fun seemed incosequential to him. You remained be very focused on turning this into a partnership and he wanted it to remain shallow and serving his wants. From my perspective, you should feel proud of yourself for the efforts you made. Trying to make a relationship real is not sabotage, you were fighting the good fight. I think his last text of “you sabotaged this relationship” should not make you feel guilty, this just shows he hasn’t taken any time to realize his failures.

You’re saying you lost who you were before you met your ex, I know that feeling. That’s what happens when you give of yourself and don’t recieve. Just take comfort in the fact that while you may want to rebuild certain sttributes, you are working on yourself now while your ex is left with his toxicity and a lack of self-awareness. You are free of it and are already stronger. Get out of the mud, tell yourself that you did everything you possibly could and get the fulfillment you earned. You deserve better!