Kingmaker, I don’t think you allowed for it to happen, like I said, I don’t think we can judge ourselves or eachother for being found in these sort of situations. They just happen and before we know it, we’re in over our heads. The good part is you have acknowledged that you are in the situation and you are also realizing how unhealthy it is and are asking for help to get out. That is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of courage and rationality and all you have to do now is to make a real and conscious decision that you would like to put this in the past so that you can move on with your life, at your own time and with a lot of self respect and self love.
You have more power than you know as to determine the way you feel about your life, but like I said, it takes real effort and determination. We have to be wise and use the tools that we already have within us. I am sure that not years, but months from now you will look back and not cringe at your weakness, but feel proud and greater for your courage and hard work to strive for what you truly deserve.

I know you can do this, believe in yourself.

Lot of love,
Gabi