LB,

Do you think you may have perfectionist tendencies?

Is this how your stream of thought works?

You make comparisons with the external world. The comparisons make you suffer. To you, you feel that in order to stop the suffering, you need to stop the comparisons by being more appreciative of what you have.

You try to stop these thoughts but find it extremely difficult. It is helpful, but something that you struggle longer than you need too. You feel tired that you still have these thoughts but you can’t fully shake out of the habit. You start putting yourself down for not “getting it.”

At first glance it looks like you are judging others too much and you need to stop it to be satisfied. Second glance shows that it doesn’t seem that judging others is the problem but that you are judging yourself to hard.

Meditating more on why you are so critical of yourself may be more insightful than why you criticize others. Sometimes I just hate people without knowing why 🙂 maybe because they resemble someone I grew up with lol.