Hey Archie,
I’m really sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost my grandfather to cancer and I saw what it did to my family as it was happening. It’s very tough and I wish you all the strength in the world.

That being said, you are so normal you have no idea. Archie, when I turned 23 I was about to graduate college. I was always the happy go lucky guy who loved laughed and had a great time doing anything..until one day in my apartment at school I had d complete and total breakdown. I was paralyzed, shaking, crying and a total emotional mess. It was one of the worst days of my life. So bad I had to drive home and leave school for a week. I had no clue where it came from or why it happened. Thus it started my dysfunctional relationship with anxiety and occasional depression. You’re not weak or crazy and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re basically experiencing the feeling of knowing that you will no longer have guidelines keeping you in place. From the sound of things you’re a lot like me in that I took so much comfort in having rules from my parents and school. It was like “I don’t have to do too much thinking because the rules are laid out for me”..but man, when you realize that you are responsible for you…how scary is that??!! Well, I’m 33 years old and I’ve made leaps and bounds with the issues that I’ve shared with you. I own a house, have a girlfriend, have a successful career (that I’m not even so sure I like) and I’m living the adult life while still going to concerts, hanging with friends, having a beer or two and watching movies etc. What’s helped me more than anything was that I talked to a therapist who turned me on to meditation. I too don’t like to show my feelings or weaknesses so this was a huge and scary step for me..Archie, it was the best move I ever made. Sure I didn’t feel too macho at first but after the first few sessions, I couldn’t wait to go back. I never took medication or anything like that, I just learned philosophies that have guided and continue to guide me through hard times. Read The Power of Now by Tolle and Wisdom in Insecurity by Alan Watts. Meditate and most importantly, don’t think you’re weak or crazy. You are experiencing what most of us experience when we’re about to hit the real world…but also, remember the real world is whatever you want to make it. Hope that helps my friend..

-G