Dear All,
Thanks so much for the replies! It’s a relief to hear that other people are going through the same thing, even though it’s not exactly something pleasant. 😀

I’ve read somewhere that telling someone what you want puts you in a very vulnerable place because, well, you have to tell a person you like how much you “need” of him or her. And what’s scarier than that? So it’s very true – accepting that the answer could be no and knowing that you can cope with it would not only make it easier to ask, but also to ask confidently without sounding needy (or at least that’s what I hope).

Very recently I’ve come to realize something important and maybe it might help you guys as well? I think it’s a pretty common relationship situation, but fraud with insecurities – namely the leaving part. Say you’ve spent a night or a day together, with barely time apart (so you feel very connected and vulnerable), but you both know that you have to leave e.g. because you have an early start in the morning or simply because you don’t live together yet. However, you might not have established what time exactly you’re leaving. This was always awful for me, even if I’m looking forward to being in my own space again. I’d get my things together, which, of course, looks like I’m about to go soon. So him asking “Are you leaving?” in a normal tone of voice would not be unusual. Naturally I’d hear: “Are you FINALLY leaving?”, but am rational enough in those moments to not act on that silly analysis – however, the insecurity remains. Another example would be him doing stuff before I leave, like listening to a song, cleaning or what have you. In my mind it automatically goes: “Why would you not rather sit and talk with me than doing all those things that you can do later as well?” Anyways, I think I found a pretty good way to deal with this insecurity, at least partly, allowing me to enjoy the moment more and maybe even explaining his actions. I simply tell myself: He’s not going anywhere.

My fear is always that, as soon as we’re apart, his feelings towards me will change. As if he were a very volatile and uncertain man, which he is not. So every time I catch myself feeling anxious about that, I tell myself that he’s not going anywhere and I try to imagine the specifics of what we would do together the next time we see each other – you know, something typical, like going to the cinema, eating together, cracking jokes etc. and I try to remember all the reaffirming things he’s said or done in the past, which could just be a “You make me very happy” or introducing me to his friends. It’s incredibly difficult, but with some effort it can provide some relief. I think that most people do not need to force themselves into better thoughts like these and that it’s already ingrained in their way of being – which would explain why you can very well listen to a song or empty the dishwasher, even though your girlfriend’s leaving in 15 minutes, because, hey, you’re seeing her again soon, of course (that is, if you’ve been together for a while already).

I guess that the most insecure moments are different for everyone. But if you’ve experienced something like what I’ve mentioned above, I hope it helps!