Thank you so much to everyone for the insight and advice, it really means alot & have shifted my perspective a little reading this thread. I have told him i have anxiety & tell him im doing my best (i just dont feel that is enough most times) he is also i think expiriencing a bit of depression although he is not very open about it and i think he wears a happy capable face & a good attitude, which i love about him but i can see he is struggling with things in his life and i just want nothing more to be open and be there for him, my mind just gets too caught up in other things and i sometimes dont even really feel good enough or strong enough to even help him, even if i do and im kind and loving ) that notjing i say or do will be of value anyway, in the moment i put alot of pressure on myself to just say the right thing & fix his sadness and do it so perfectly that i end up not being able to think clearly, feel fully & end up not saying much at all, which in the end looks really selfish! here he is with a problem and im stuck in my head about how I can come across, im still thinking about me.. i really dont intend to.
I guess it comes down to not feeling good enough, overall..?

Thank you matt your words made me tear, i suppose most of us are messy inside, you just dont see the messyness in everyone. maybe we are both as crazy & i am just more open about it?? lol the more i get to know him the more i see similarities in this kind of thinking and behaviour, i have found that he is the same as me in alot of ways 🙂
Grateful for this advice thanks so much xxx